Intimacy

What does intimacy mean to you? What's the first word that comes to mind when you think of intimacy? 

I've been so fortunate to explore this beautiful form of human connection again. (Yes, this is one of the passion projects! ;)) New relationship has a way of bringing up new insights into the different layers of intimate connection. Let’s pretend we’re in a room having a talk circle. What verbiage would you use to describe intimacy? I'm going to guess that we would hear things like, holding hands, cuddling, gazing into each other's eyes (this one is powerful), love, sex etc. I know some of you thought about sexy time, don't lie!!! 

And you would all be correct! These are amazing, yummy ways to connect. But I want to draw our focus onto something different. 

Listening. 

Now, if we're being real, most of us aren't that good at listening. We try! We care! But our minds are very occupied. I was sitting in a restaurant by myself and watched as two people sat and ate their ramen on their phones the entire dinner without saying one word. Has anyone ever seen this too?

That's just the start. What about the clutter in our minds that prevents us from hearing? When we're thinking of a response to someone we are not giving the other person 100% of our attention. When we have emotions that overcome us, they fill up our consciousness and take us away from what the other person is trying to say. One of the most distracting things that comes up is FEAR. A wise beautiful soul once told me, "Fear is the anti-love." Fear is too selfish to be supportive. 

Why do I bring up all of this first? Because in order to develop intimacy with another person, we have to first develop it with ourselves. We have to turn inward and listen to our hearts and develop a relationship with ourselves. Yes, both sides. Our light and our dark. Our shadow and our angel. We often project so many thoughts and statements in our minds, yet how often do we sit back and ask ourselves questions? Do we really know who we are? Do we know what we want from ourselves? Do we address our pain? Do we allow ourselves to mourn? Do we face our fears and our traumas? Listening to our heart when we asks these questions brings up an awareness for the areas we must heal. It also reveals our best qualities that we can cherish within ourselves. This process takes time and patience. We learn to practice observation without judgement. Mindfulness and spirituality teach us to nurture ourselves and find comfort in times of conflict and struggle. We learn to accept the good and the bad as we heal with compassion and care. We learn to be grateful for our qualities and find love through acknowledging all that we are and not shaming ourselves for what we aren’t. Then we begin to fall in love with our self, our truth. It takes practice, but it prepares us for the connection we all crave, romantic intimacy. 

The ability to hold space for others comes from the practice of holding space with ourselves. When we carry this work forward in partnerships, it opens up a whole new form of depth and romantic connection that has the ability to rise above other forms of intimacy. Look into your partners eyes, listen to the words they are saying, feel the energetic messages they are sending and you will open the doors to a whole new paradigm of love. You will see into the soul of your partner. Because you have practiced acceptance on yourself, you will find acceptance in all of who they are. When you allow your partner to be fully themselves, they will feel this and it will open them up in ways that transcend physical possibility. When a person feels the freedom to be everything they are with you, there is massive heart expansion. To me, this is intimacy. This is when a soul recognizes it's counterpart in another. This is true love. Then, something magical happens.

Your souls will intertwine and coil together like strands of DNA of new romantic oneness. This is the deepest form of intimacy. This is romantic Peak Experience. When two become one you are energetically connected and the universe is your container. You will hear what’s inside each other’s head when you look at each other and smile. You will intuit to their needs and feel their energy. You will feel their spirit sleep on your chest when you are physically apart. Their energy will send shockwaves through your body. 

My friends, I challenge you to open your eyes, open your ears and open your hearts. Be present. Listen, embrace, accept, and allow.